chapter 2.

Nourish the Soul.

i can't remember the last time i felt that i have really worked towards my fitness goals. it's been hard emotionally and it seemed like i have been spiraling downwards rather than moving towards my goals.  i gained at least 15 lbs.  i am sad. but not hopeless. 

i want to change course. i want to get back on track. and i will. i am confident. and this time i will not stop till i get to the end.  i promise.  

first things first - this week till the end of Sunday I am going to focus on eating.  I might even focus on eating till the end of next week.  what does this mean - i need to figure out breakfast, lunch and salad.  i will only eat fruits as snacks nothing else. except maybe vegetables.  

i've been eating like crazy at work - it's not good. in fact it's been super bad.  i don't know what to take to work. i am thinking that tuesday to thursday i will have only Subway.  and then Monday and Friday i fast - so that won't be an issue. dinners will strictly be salads.  i heard some people eat a bag of salad like chips. that sounds a bit crazy to me - even though i did finish a whole box of Godiva, which should register me as more crazy.  maybe my mental faculties will become more in tact once i get back on track. who know's maybe i'll be eating a bag salad in the near future.  

okay back to planning food - it sounds so easy. fruits, salad, subway and vegetables. why is it so hard?! i am constantly craving sweets and warm bread and cheesy gooyness and creamy stuff.  these are the things that my body naturally craves for.  correction these are the things my appetite craves.  but this is also where self-control is lacking on my part.  my cravings will no longer rule me, especially not make me eat horrible food.  

i have to get back to taking pictures of my food that really helped and writing down what i ate.  i can do this.  okay re-cap of meal plan: 

1. breakfast, lunch and salad
2. breakfast can be fruits
3. lunch can be Subway
4. dinner has to be salad
5. take picture of food
6. drinks will have to be warm/hot
7. drinks can only be water and plain teas
8. 800 calorie limit per day
9. drink at least one litre of water a day
10. forgive myself when i fail

fingers crossed. chapter 2 begins. 

to the stars, 

uma

on the conquest of beauty & more.

"do it for yourself"

i told myself i would journal every day, but sometimes routine becomes cumbersome.  today is one of those days. 


what is important? this is the question that's running through my mind today.  is 120 lbs a superficial goal or is it a goal of substance.  i won't lie, i want to look like a VS Model.  Miranda Kerr & Marisa Miller & Adriana Lima are inspiring to me.  but i wonder if this desire to sculpt the outside, somehow takes away from the inner beauty.  i know this is perhaps that strong and familiar voice within me that says you can never have everything, all at once.  


logically it seems as though you must always sacrifice or lose something to gain something else.  but perhaps the naive part of me wants to think that i will exchange the fat for this amazing fabulous life of "pretty".  will this goal take me to "petty"?  so what is important? i try to tell myself pleadingly that i am not doing this to become physically beautiful, but rather to become more healthy and fit, so that i can live life as an adventure, rather than a slow moving slug.  this makes my efforts seem more honorable and more marketable even.  


so i ask again what is important?  the society around me, beyond me, behind me - through the past and the present worship beauty.  all you have to do is walk into any Shopper's Drug Mart, an entire kiosk and department is dedicated to beauty and it's affiliates.  just flip through any magazine, it doesn't even have to be a fashion magazine - the beautiful and the ugly are clearly differentiated and labelled.  many times it comes to a single factor: size.  fat can never equal beauty.  if it does, it is done in the same way photographers create beauty in poverty, disease, and grief.  it is a charitable effort, if you know what i mean. 


so what is important? clearly, if being beautiful is not honorable, it must be the opposite.  something dark and unwarranted.  we really are good at these labels, how difficult can it get? we really only have two labels.  good and bad. there is no in between. nonetheless, within the answer to this question lies my motives and dissertation.    i need to know to continue this journey more convincingly.  




to the stars, 


uma