she is lazy.

"your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same."

what am i waiting for? i don't know. i didn't go to the gym today. i didn't go yesterday either, but i worked out at home for about 25 minutes. i hope i do that today too. personally, i would be happy to just stay in and laze around. 


the thought of going to the gym exhausts me. but when i do manage to go, i feel exhilerated. i feel great and proud of myself. why doesn't this feeling energize me? why won't it motivate me to do the right thing. i slept for a good 10 1/2 hours. i know! way too much sleep. i woke up at 8 am and had a blasted headache, my head was literally throbbing, so i went back to sleep. woke up feeling a bit groggy at 1pm, but refreshed. yet i was not happy with myself for being so sloppy with my day off. i haven't done anything productive today except for my laundry.  i am mentally beating myself up for the shortfall, but i am not productively doing anything to offset this lack of commitment.  


i have to do something. i just don't know what. 




to the stars, 


uma

a procrastinator's dilemma

"Cause you're all talk, and no action
You're all talk, but no action"

i didn't go to the gym yesterday. instead i binged. i was good at work - until we had cheesecake for a co-worker's bday - i should have said no, instead i had a small piece.  


when i got home at 8 i ate some more.   i already had dinner at work so my plan was to be food free for the remainder of the evening, but i had a severe case of the munchies.  i wanted to go to the gym but i didn't, not in the morning and not in the evening and not this morning as i had pleadingly promised myself last night. 


how will i lose 30 pounds in less than 3 months if i keep going on like this? what am i saying - how is it even possible to lose 30 pounds in less than 3 months...? 


i do this with every aspect of my life - i wait to do anything substantial until the very last minute, until it becomes blatantly impossible to do anything.  maybe this is my unconscious self-trickery to ensure that i don't do anything at all. 


According to losertown.org i can be 129.8 lbs by Mar 13 -- IF i stick to a 700 calories/day diet with 3-5 days of moderate activity.  i have to learn to be disciplined. this is hard. ho-hum.




to the stars, 


uma