oVer stiMuLated nErVouS syStEm

“The more consciousness you bring into your body the stronger your immune system becomes”

without getting too caught up into the science of things, i recently noticed that i cannot watch TV while exercising.  when i was younger i figured that reading in a moving vehicle brought nausea and severe headaches.    taking the TTC to work i realized that if i sat parallel to the moving landscape i can read without any major issues. so i just couldn't handle my eyes reading one direction while things were moving in another direction around me.  in the last two years i realize that coffee gives me the jitters, anxiety and anger issues.  i don't drink pop, if i do, i can't go to sleep.  i can't have too much sugar. 

most days and hours i need to constantly pre-occupy my mind with facts, mindless or otherwise.  like for example today, i read up on the kim dotcom situation (all 10 articles written on different angles of the situation), SOPA, anti-piracy stances, Bill Clinton's lawer, brown adipose tissue (3 different journal studies), nasal breathing techniques, green tea, caffeine content and it's effects, yoga, a bunch of weight loss blogs, etc. -- all within a matter of a few hours.  i think i probably went through 3 dozen articles within the span of 4 hours while doing work related stuff.  maybe add ADD on that list as well...

the point is i know that i have an over stimulated mind, that easily feeds off any stimuli.  i learned that i need to learn to relax and take it easy. take it one step at a time.  how does this relate to weight loss? if i don't keep my mind in a linear focus i will lose myself in all this external chaos i purposely surround myself with.  i need to be at peace within myself so that i can see the finish line at all times, otherwise i will get lost and drift off course. maybe i need to add meditation to my daily todo's.   

om shanthi. om shanthi. om shanthi. 

to the stars, 

uma

what is junk?

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

that picture was from a huge binge spree i had in September 2011, the brown bag has freshly baked jumbo chocolate croissants.  to be fair my sister did indulge in this stack as well, as did my parents. so no i didn't sit there all of it by myself.  but it was my idea and i did eat a lot of it, most of it >_<  


i had another binge episode on Sunday - not impressed. sometimes we all need a reminder of what junk food is, okay fine i need a reminder! so here is my wee little reminder, actually i just remembered something i created with a friend a few years back...found it!: 

Eliminate	Enhance
white bread	whole grain/wheat
cold food (ie. ice-cream)	warm/hot food
fried food (ie. fries)	grilled/baked food
chocolate	fruits
desserts/pastries	vegetables
cookies	dried fruit/raisins/dates
chips	nuts/legumes
pop	water
coffee?	green tea
cream	skim milk
unhealthy fats/oils	healthy oils
sugary fruit juices	freshly squeezed fruits

copying this on here made me realize how much i am depriving myself of foods that i genuinely love and adore.  having been down this weight loss journey before, i know that eventually all the bad food really will make me feel "bad". but right now all i am craving is a good piece of Bounty.  I know that no food is "bad", it's all about moderation.  


unfortunately, moderation didn't get me to my current position, so i am going to have to sacrifice for awhile until i get back on track.  yet at the same time, i am not going to go all bonkers if i slip here and there.  i just have to plan my indulgence.




to the stars, 




uma   

she is lazy.

"your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same."

what am i waiting for? i don't know. i didn't go to the gym today. i didn't go yesterday either, but i worked out at home for about 25 minutes. i hope i do that today too. personally, i would be happy to just stay in and laze around. 


the thought of going to the gym exhausts me. but when i do manage to go, i feel exhilerated. i feel great and proud of myself. why doesn't this feeling energize me? why won't it motivate me to do the right thing. i slept for a good 10 1/2 hours. i know! way too much sleep. i woke up at 8 am and had a blasted headache, my head was literally throbbing, so i went back to sleep. woke up feeling a bit groggy at 1pm, but refreshed. yet i was not happy with myself for being so sloppy with my day off. i haven't done anything productive today except for my laundry.  i am mentally beating myself up for the shortfall, but i am not productively doing anything to offset this lack of commitment.  


i have to do something. i just don't know what. 




to the stars, 


uma

to seek inspiration.

"If I could ask for one thing it wouldn't be happiness,wealth,or any form of success.  Every day I pray for inspiration.  Inspiration every day."

i am still unmotivated. there are things i need to make a regular habit/routine: 


- pre-planning meals
- saying no to junk/chocolate
- going to the gym daily - no excuses
- waking up early 
- recording my meals and all intake
- drinking more water
- eating more greens 
- eat more whole grain/whole wheat


i am better than i was in the last four years. but i can still be better. i think i should join some classes - i am thinking bootcamp, more bellydancing, swimming and tennis.  i have 56 days till my goal date, i need to bring this up a notch.  feel 1/10th of milimeter more inspired than i was before i started this blog. that reminds me, most important routine/habit: 

Keep Blogging Daily

to the stars, 


uma

gone with the wind

"if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough"

if there is one thing that this weight loss journey has taught me, it's that i can't live life passively.  i have let life pass me by.  i have hardly ever been a "by the reins" type of girl, i usually go where the wind takes me.  i don't fuss much & it takes a lot to faze me.  don't get me wrong, i've always had dreams and desires but i just never really went out of my way to seek these out.  if i want to make this weight loss a reality i can't keep on living in such a way where i take what i get.  i need to set out a plan and get what i want.  


i've gotten so much better at being more goal-oriented in the last few years, but there is still a long way to go. it both excites and saddens me.  i feel like i lost a lot of valuable time, but i can't get myself into knot regretting - there: 30 seconds alotted for self pity. and.... done! time to get back up, dust myself and keep moving forward.  


i really need to work on meal planning, even if i stay within my calories - i still feel that i am not getting enough greens.  this will take conscious pre-planning on my part.  i was supposed to go the gym today as per my plan, but then i psyched myself out by reading an article claiming that runners need off days too and that they are subject to tearing this and that by continuous daily exercising.  i worked out for two days in a row and i can't believe i read an article and decided that i needed a day off! not impressed -_-


i am also going to be working with 4 hrs of sleep today, that was another convenient excuse for me to skip the gym.  i had a really scary and disturbing dream that woke me up at 4am, after dozing off at 1.  in my dream my face broke out in white blisters, something about sami being mad at me - like in ambal varutham.  it was quite disturbing, my friend said that i need to be more committed spiritually - oddly enough i have been slacking off.  i used to pray almost everyday, but the last couple of years i have somehow detached myself spiritually.  


i also need to take more control over my sleep, meaning i need to get in eight hours of sleep for a functional day. all in all more action, less reaction.   


to the stars, 


uma

new years resolutions.

"it takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice.  Give it 12 weeks. Don't Quit."

the best feeling in life is that moment in time when you feel like you have a clean slate.  each new year i am invigorated with this feeling.  


this year, the sensation is not any different, but it is dampened from year after year of not reaching my goal weight. yet as always i am gonna do my best to launch this year with the most optimistic mindset possible. i am gonna take all the lessons of the past few years of failures and stalling and falling backwards to guide me throughout this new year.  


2012 is going to be the year of The Diet. diet is 70 percent of this game, so i need to zero in my focus this year.  i often cheat and cheating always comes at a high price - my health & weight.  so this year i want to eliminate junk food entirely from my diet.   


food is a distraction especially when i am plateauing as i have been for the past few months.  food is my comfort.  i often go to food when i feel down, but during the plateau period, it's even worse.  food becomes my "bestie".  i need to breakup with junk and find a replacement. i need to find comfort somewhere else.   i've been a vegetarian for a good 6 years now, so i figure if i can eliminate meat, i can eliminate junk! 


also i need to go hardcore with working out as well. i love feeling strong.  i enjoy going to the gym, but i need to ensure that i am consistent.  i am so scared that i am gonna turn 28 and be at the very same spot that i am at right now. it scares me like nothing else.  i need to commit to this demon and fight it.  i hope this year i don't fail. 


i deserve this. i will work hard for this. i will attain my goal. i will be 120 by the time i turn 28.  




to the stars, 


uma