what is junk?

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

that picture was from a huge binge spree i had in September 2011, the brown bag has freshly baked jumbo chocolate croissants.  to be fair my sister did indulge in this stack as well, as did my parents. so no i didn't sit there all of it by myself.  but it was my idea and i did eat a lot of it, most of it >_<  


i had another binge episode on Sunday - not impressed. sometimes we all need a reminder of what junk food is, okay fine i need a reminder! so here is my wee little reminder, actually i just remembered something i created with a friend a few years back...found it!: 

Eliminate	Enhance
white bread	whole grain/wheat
cold food (ie. ice-cream)	warm/hot food
fried food (ie. fries)	grilled/baked food
chocolate	fruits
desserts/pastries	vegetables
cookies	dried fruit/raisins/dates
chips	nuts/legumes
pop	water
coffee?	green tea
cream	skim milk
unhealthy fats/oils	healthy oils
sugary fruit juices	freshly squeezed fruits

copying this on here made me realize how much i am depriving myself of foods that i genuinely love and adore.  having been down this weight loss journey before, i know that eventually all the bad food really will make me feel "bad". but right now all i am craving is a good piece of Bounty.  I know that no food is "bad", it's all about moderation.  


unfortunately, moderation didn't get me to my current position, so i am going to have to sacrifice for awhile until i get back on track.  yet at the same time, i am not going to go all bonkers if i slip here and there.  i just have to plan my indulgence.




to the stars, 




uma   

Patience is a Virtue

"it does not matter how slow you go -- so long as you do not stop"

~ confucius

consistent i am not.  i start something with such intense purposefulness but i often trail off my path with not a second thought.  i went to the gym the night before. didn't go yesterday. and have all the intentions in the world to go today. i hope i do.  


i haven't been consistent or committed to posting my meals too.  but i have eaten for sure! more than i should have. LOL.  it just occurred to me that i didn't forget to eat.  i am almost always consistent in never skipping meals. but when it comes to this fitness goal that i have mulling around with for the past few months i am not committed.  if only i gave the posting, and exercising and meal planning as much importance as i am in eating i would have been at 120 lbs by now. tres sad.   


if i posted my meals as diligent as my three meals a day habit i would have been there by now.  i don't know what stops me from making fitness and health a priority. i know patience is a huge factor. if i don't see results in a nanosecond i get exasperated. and weight loss is very much a waiting game.  you have to keep eating right: every meal, every snack, every day - day in and out... forever. 


you have to exercise with precision, frequently at high intensities, endure pain and challenge yourself just a little further each day.  and you have to keep doing the right things blindly - just keep doing them and eventually you will start seeing results.  and the results don't come in a consistently either.  you might see a 2 pound win this week maybe nothing next week so you change up your routine a little and then you might see another few pounds drop off and then maybe nothing for two weeks.  but the point is regardless of what the scale says, you have to keep going. and i, utterly, suck at this process as i want to see results on a daily basis. 


so in my feat with consistency i realize my struggle is also with patience, commitment, and focus.  i hope i gain these skills sooner than later and that by march 2012 i am where i always wanted to be. and off to the gym!  


to the stars, 


uma

falling off the wagon.

"I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." 

~ Michael Jordan

i didn't go to the gym for three days in a row.  i read somewhere today that i should never let two consecutive days pass without going to the gym. i feel that i failed, and i feel that i haven't.  


day one of missing gym: i hadn't seen my boyfriend in a couple of days and he finally had some time to meet up so i had to sacrifice gym for relationship time. 


day 2 was missed because of an excessive shopping binge. i often feel that i don't have enough clothes, even though realistically i have enough clothes for an entire nations army.  yes, no exaggeration. sometimes i just like the feeling of brand new clothes. plus i really live by retail therapy. it just gives me this high. but i have to stop, because from a wallet point of view it's more damage than healing.  anyways four hours and 2 malls and 2 bills later i was too tired to go to the gym. 


day 3 - date night. fridays is date night, so i have to sacrifice gym time for relationship time. 


and now i am on day 4.  i am determined to go to the gym today even though i am in such sour mood. i always feel like i am in a crap mood when i haven't exercised.  this just gives me more reason to go to the gym.  i hope i will make the effort to go.  


i tried to convince my bf to come to the gym with me, but he refuses. so i have to work around going to the gym on the days that i see him, maybe i can do strength training at home on days that i see him.  sometimes it's hard to balance your life with someone, especially during weight loss mode.  i often get frustrated, but i guess i need to learn to make things work.


and i have to avoid the mall, unless i have an actual need.  food and shopping have always been my go to when i am feeling down.  maybe i need to journal my feelings rather than replace them with treats & calories and bling & the latest trends.  


gosh why can't this take less effort?


all i know is that i am NOT giving up. 




to the stars, 


uma

the first post.

“Go on an Adventure.”

i try to do everything all at once or all at once and way too fast. in every aspect of my life this is true.  it's like i see a target and a timeline and i'm sprinting to get to that destination within a nano-second. of course this is not possible and i give up. no i don't try an alternative.


no i don't give myself more time. 
no i don't take a break and try again. 
and no i don't try to figure out what went wrong.


i flat out give up. but this time - i hope things will be different. i hope i can conquer this life-long battle with the scale. something clicked today in my head and i realize no i don't have to do everything in one day or one month. this is about the rest of my life, not a short term goal for a one day reward.  yes of course optimally i want to look good before my 28th birthday and i don't want to start my 28th birthday feeling fat. but i need to do this in strides - it has to be a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix. 


what this means is - that if tomorrow i worked out for just 5 minutes, that's okay. if i drank just one cup of water - that's okay too. as long as I DON`T GIVE UP.  the point is i'm starting slow and i'm building the foundation of my life.  the rest of my life counts too - not just one day or the day i reach my goal.


so i was thinking alot about desserts and snacks and all the yummy treats i so desire and devour and i'm thinking i am going to make sundays my baking days. i am gonna bake a batch of cookies or a small loaf of cake and portion it to last me and family the whole week. this way i don't devour 6 wafer cookies in one sitting or all the other damaging treats i've ingested today. 


i also calculated how much money it would cost me to buy subway for 30 days a month - and it turns out $3.66 (veggie flatbread) x 30days = 109.80 - i don't eat lunch out 30 days a month but if i needed to find an alternative on the days i forgot lunch i know i'm not breaking the bank.  and i'm thinking maybe i should alternate - i can make lunch twice a week and three times a week i can get subway and it still would be affordable and healthy calories wise.  there is also another dimension to this - i often feel super guilty letting ppl eat alone for lunch so i feel that i must keep ppl company and that means the 15mins i would take to go out and grab a subway i stay at work and purchase unhealthy, greasy food from the work eatery and chow it down mindlessly.  i have to put myself first. i don't always have to look out for others in cases like this and people are always more capable than what we give them credit for. and if they dislike me for this - then i have to brave this, b/c life goes on.


the other thing i want to do is also learn more about nutrition and exercise - for example what are complex carbs vs. simple carbs and what's the difference between strength training and cardio - so i thought i'll devote one week to a subject each week so that i'm enlightening myself as i go along.


i also want to take up a sport: i have my sights set on tennis and i want to do a 10k next year or a half marathon in 2012- i participated in a 5k this year and it was absolutely exhilarating and i'm hooked!


to do list: 
1. start with small habits: aim for 15 minutes of physical activity tomorrow (purchase a skipping rope)
2. pick a simple easy to do recipie for Sunday ( no more than 5 ingridients)
3. stock up on green tea and purchase a metal water bottle
4. buy subway for thursday (find the healthiest combination of veggie sub option)
5. pick a subject on exercise or nutrition to study this week - i think i am gonna do carbs - just cuz i'm obsessed with them from an eating perspective.
6. read coolrunning.com feature on from couch to 5k


i know i might stumble along the way - but i hope i get up and keep going still. 


to the stars,


uma