the scale

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

i like the scale. well until it stopped working. okay fine, it works - just not the way i want it to though.  ideally, i would like to see a 30 lb drop in one week and be done with it forever. but lately all i get is up 2 lbs and down 2 lbs, up .4 lbs and down .1 lb. it's a tease. annoying. distressing. and boring.  


i like extremes. i don't like the middle way. i need things to move super fast or i get impatient, and then i lose interest. and so forth and so on till the goal at hand becomes unimportant.  i weigh myself everyday to no avail. if you've seen my progress report you'll see the super slow progress i've had in the last past 6 months.  it's super annoying. 


but to be quite fair i use & abuse the scale everyday, expecting some kind of miracle drop. i eat at a sushi buffet and then the next day i weigh myself expecting my body to have mysteriously not digested any calories. and then the next day i eat way below my BMR for one day and i weigh myself  expecting to see half my weight shed off the next day. at some innate level i know that this is unrealistic. yet i do this every day. it's become so habitual that it's like second nature. if only going to the gym and eating right had become such a natural extension of my personality. sigh. 


so it is what it is and i've eliminated "the scale". i promised myself that i am only going to weigh myself at each month end. which means that by the end of january which is practically in 10 days i will weigh myself, but till then i am gonna focus more on exercising and healthy eating. i am not going to wait for miracles to happen and i am certainly not going to expect for the laws of nature to bend in order to accelerate my weight loss without the due diligence.  so yes that's that. no more scale. 


to the stars, 


uma

excuses & other limitations

"what you do today can improve all your tomorrows."

there is always an excuse or another for not going to the gym. like this morning when i woke up at 730am to go to the gym but i never actually "got up"


with the increased mobility of technology, which includes my ipad, touchpad and iphone, i can easily stay in bed and entertain myself for hours with surfing and reading and playing games -- and by hours, i mean literally hours, no exaggerations.  its 1046am and i have managed to waste enough time that now i have the convenient excuse of "can't be late to work" to avoid the gym again.  


i am so bad with routine - i hate doing things the same way every day. my simple wisdom here used to be "the less of routine, the more of life" and i often fooled myself thinking that routine was the same as boring, dull and constrained living.  but with my fitness goal far behind and it's deadline looming not too far ahead, it's become blatantly obvious that i must make routine necessary.  


first thing first, i am going to get rid of all technology in my bedroom.  this way i am not tempted to stay in bed with my iPad roaming the furthest corners of webspace and facebook.  also i have to get into the mindset that not every day of routine will be grueling, horrible work.  my lazy manners detest such work, but the truth of the matter is that not every day will be same even with routine - some days i know i will see breakthroughs to keep me motivated, while other days will be spent working towards stretch goals with no overtly obvious results.  the bottom line is that keeping routine will never be done in vain, it will never be a futile effort.  


the common knowledge is that it takes 21 days to make something a habit and 6 months to make it part of your personality. 


Day 1. I will go to the gym today. 




to the stars, 


uma

new years resolutions.

"it takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice.  Give it 12 weeks. Don't Quit."

the best feeling in life is that moment in time when you feel like you have a clean slate.  each new year i am invigorated with this feeling.  


this year, the sensation is not any different, but it is dampened from year after year of not reaching my goal weight. yet as always i am gonna do my best to launch this year with the most optimistic mindset possible. i am gonna take all the lessons of the past few years of failures and stalling and falling backwards to guide me throughout this new year.  


2012 is going to be the year of The Diet. diet is 70 percent of this game, so i need to zero in my focus this year.  i often cheat and cheating always comes at a high price - my health & weight.  so this year i want to eliminate junk food entirely from my diet.   


food is a distraction especially when i am plateauing as i have been for the past few months.  food is my comfort.  i often go to food when i feel down, but during the plateau period, it's even worse.  food becomes my "bestie".  i need to breakup with junk and find a replacement. i need to find comfort somewhere else.   i've been a vegetarian for a good 6 years now, so i figure if i can eliminate meat, i can eliminate junk! 


also i need to go hardcore with working out as well. i love feeling strong.  i enjoy going to the gym, but i need to ensure that i am consistent.  i am so scared that i am gonna turn 28 and be at the very same spot that i am at right now. it scares me like nothing else.  i need to commit to this demon and fight it.  i hope this year i don't fail. 


i deserve this. i will work hard for this. i will attain my goal. i will be 120 by the time i turn 28.  




to the stars, 


uma          

Patience is a Virtue

"it does not matter how slow you go -- so long as you do not stop"

~ confucius

consistent i am not.  i start something with such intense purposefulness but i often trail off my path with not a second thought.  i went to the gym the night before. didn't go yesterday. and have all the intentions in the world to go today. i hope i do.  


i haven't been consistent or committed to posting my meals too.  but i have eaten for sure! more than i should have. LOL.  it just occurred to me that i didn't forget to eat.  i am almost always consistent in never skipping meals. but when it comes to this fitness goal that i have mulling around with for the past few months i am not committed.  if only i gave the posting, and exercising and meal planning as much importance as i am in eating i would have been at 120 lbs by now. tres sad.   


if i posted my meals as diligent as my three meals a day habit i would have been there by now.  i don't know what stops me from making fitness and health a priority. i know patience is a huge factor. if i don't see results in a nanosecond i get exasperated. and weight loss is very much a waiting game.  you have to keep eating right: every meal, every snack, every day - day in and out... forever. 


you have to exercise with precision, frequently at high intensities, endure pain and challenge yourself just a little further each day.  and you have to keep doing the right things blindly - just keep doing them and eventually you will start seeing results.  and the results don't come in a consistently either.  you might see a 2 pound win this week maybe nothing next week so you change up your routine a little and then you might see another few pounds drop off and then maybe nothing for two weeks.  but the point is regardless of what the scale says, you have to keep going. and i, utterly, suck at this process as i want to see results on a daily basis. 


so in my feat with consistency i realize my struggle is also with patience, commitment, and focus.  i hope i gain these skills sooner than later and that by march 2012 i am where i always wanted to be. and off to the gym!  


to the stars, 


uma

obsessed.

"it's never too late to change your life."

i admit i am super obsessed with weight loss. i can't help it. i feel trapped in the skin i stretched.  i've been waiting to come down on the scale into the 140's but it's been over a year and i am still stuck stubbornly in the 150s.  i need some kind of divine intervention bc it's obvious that i am unable to do it myself. 


i went to the gym four days in a row this week and every morning i step onto the scale with high anticipation that this will be the day that i break into the 140s, but i step off trying not to crush my self esteem after i see the same stubborn numbers.  i try really hard to be positive and to keep myself believing that i can overcome this, but i feel at a loss. 


i know my eating isn't perfect - but i have been under 1000 calories/day, actually closer to the 800 mark and it makes me really angry that nothing is affected. 


i just want to see the 140s so badly i don't want to end this year in the 150s. i would be super mad and discouraged if i don't get to that point by December 31st.  it's especially disheartening b/c i see all these wellness blogs and fitness sites confirm that it is possible to lose 2 pounds per week with the right exercise & diet - but so far i have been losing 2 pounds every four months or so. i don't understand what i am doing wrong.  it's so frustrating. 

all i know is that i don't want to give up - i don't want to stay at this point, i have to keep going because the alternative is not an option i am giving myself.  i know what giving up feels like, and it's not pretty - literally and figuratively.  so i will keep moving along, but i hope i can find some divine intervention to help me. i need it most right now. 

to the stars, 

uma

determined.

"dreams don`t work unless you do."

today was super hard. this whole month has been super hard. hard physically, mentally, emotionally...i keep saying that i want to move past this plateau and keep moving south on the weight loss chart. but my weight hasn't budged since the last progress point and i am beyond frustrated.


i feel demotivated and i have been binge eating to fill that void emptiness that comes with no progress. i have to keep reminding myself that binge eating, playing games on my phone and surfing the net are adding nothing worth while to my life. instead i have to put more effort into things that make a difference and add value to my life: i.e. my career, entrepreneurship and even the creative arts. instead i keep indulging in life leeching, mind numbing, time wasting activities.


i hope Monday now will be a new start.




to the stars,


uma