portions.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are.
Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle."

i just ate breakfast and i have already consume 545 calories.  its sickening and at the same time super shocking.  i had a whole grain croissant and a thin slice of harvati cheese and sugarless jam, oh and milk tea without sugar.  and i am already at 545 calories. sure i could be over-estimating but by maybe 100 calories or so, not like 250 calories (?!?!) which is what i am hoping it is. 

i have to control my portions - yesterday, i ate 1,236 calories of just junk. i know, shameful! so today i am on the lookout for any such slip-ups. so far so good.  also, my mom is what psychologists call a "food pusher" - defined loosely as someone who "who think(s)  food equals love and want to show love by feeding the people around them". I've been injured from running so I am hostage to her cooking and feeding for the past three days which is emotionally draining. 

I tend to opt for food when I am emotionally drained or just emotional.  Lately, I have been emotional too often.  I am trying to get out of this rut, hence why I am resuming blogging here - trying to ensure that I am aware of my feelings and I have an outlet for them.  Lately, my head has been full of negative thoughts - no one cares about me, my friends and family are self-centered, and i am a failure.  i need to change this mentality because at the end of the day this kind of thinking will only hurt me. i trying to digest positive articles and books until i detoxify this thinking. everything in portions, right?

to the stars, 

uma