why i ate.

P.U.S.H.

i have free chocolate in my house.  i don't know what the concept free does to you, but free makes the unrestrained nut within me to come out.  all i can think about is the loads of savory chocolates sitting in my basement: lindor, ferrero, merci and kinder all in stacks and stacks of boxes.  i guess it's that feeling that once that box is done it's never gonna be filled again mentality that makes me want to devour everything in one gulp.  logic eludes me.  i was pleasantly full from well portioned breakfast of one slice of toast with jam and peanut butter and green tea. yet, when i came upstairs i literally gulped two ferrero rocher and 3 lindt chocolates in one sitting. and now i feel sick.  i think the car accident created this bit of anxiety within me to want to eat to feel taken care of.  it's silly and illogical to eat when i am not hungry - yet cravings are just insane.  i have to fix this mentality. my brain is blocked by the heaps of sugar i consumed and i have nothing more intelligent to share today. 

to the stars, 

uma