missing in action.

"are your excuses more important than your dreams?"

literally. i haven't been to the gym in over a week.  i did go to a 45 minute Zumba session and i did a couple of hundred situps and other strength training ish throughout the week. but no gym.  what does that mean? it means that i did not push myself enough - i didn't try hard enough.  i have a half marathon coming in October so i have to start training, otherwise i will be fainting on course - which would be mega embarassing.  i hope i make a sincere effort to go today.  i need to lose another 24 lbs to get to my ultra goal weight. 


i am already starting to get the distracting and disabling comments like "are you eating at all??!?" "you don't need to lose any more weight!?!" "you're too tall to be that skinny".  yes these are all discouraging but i have to keep moving and losing - otherwise all the hard work that i've done would be a loss.  i am proud of myself - it took a lot of persistence.  i want to say and sacrifice, but no what i did up to the point of gaining pound after pound of weight was a sacrifice, a sacrifice of happiness, health and opportunities.  i only looked at the very short term fulfillment and sacrificed the things that really mattered.  no more sacrifices. 


i tried to go without sugar for the month of march - with the exception of my bday cake of course.  and i have to say i've been pretty successful.  i do remember craving chocolate or cake here and there but i sustained.  i didn't obsessively check every single ingredient. i kind of played it by ear - if i thought something was sweet and sugary like a donut, coffee, milk tea, candy, chocolate, cake, etc. then i didn't eat it. period.  i am going to try drinking soup for dinner all week next week as an experiment and see how that works out for me.  


it is constant work, but not really - it's life.  every single small daily act that i maintain will help to create hundreds of ripples in my life and the life of my loved ones.  oh! that reminds me, i am such a brat - i can't believe i didn't mention the enablers.  so everyone, and i mean EVERYONE knows i am on a "diet" so for my bday my boyfriend bought me the smallest but most delicious cake he could find to support me, my mommy bought me a small square slice of a cake which all of us shared, with the exception of my daddykins who is also doing a sugar cleanse for awhile now. And at work we didn't do the traditional cake celebration - instead i got beautiful pink flowers! i was ever so appreciative of everyones thoughtfulness.  


i hope these last 24lbs melt off magically, or at least without any glitches and major bumps on the road.    


to the stars, 


uma

leaving behind the comfort.

"there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind"

~ C.S. Lewis

i want to exercise. but i really don't. i wish i could let my body go to the gym and do an exercise while i remained back here in sedentary relaxing.  :)


i don't know what disables us from attaining to do our best 100% of the time. is it perhaps that we don't require all this ambition - maybe i really don't "need" a super fit and sexy body. maybe being sluggish and at a normal weight is deserving of equal contentment. 


i suspect this type of "settling" comes from a strong aversion for the uncomfortable, that coincidentally comes with striving for more.  it's so simple in my head. get changed. put on your runners. get out of the house. get to the gym. run. exercise. core workout. leave. and i am done.  yet just the thought of this is so painful. whyyyyyyy? i don't get it. 


what contentment am i really attaining from this non-motion? this blah-ness? this non-living? non-participation in life?  why can't i be more focused and motivated. 


i have to get to the gym today. whatever it takes. 




to the stars, 




uma

perseverance.

"just keep going"

what does exercise mean to me? basically movement, anything that involves getting off the couch and doesn't involve non-movement.  why is this important to know and be aware of? well once you become a regular exerciser, which believe it or not i feel that i am now, it's important to engage yourself by varying your activities.  i have gotten to point at which i feel that going to gym and doing the same routine is comforting but not exciting. so time to mix things up. i did sign up for zumba class but i haven't managed to go yet. hopefully next monday i can keep that commitment.  


my to do list seems to get longer and longer. it's ridiculous. i have to make sure diet doesn't slack off again. i have been good with the no sugar deal.  i can't see that's it made any difference, but to be fair it's only day four and i haven't been all that strict.  i had a vaippan today - i am sure they added sugar in it - but my mom said it had bananas and flour.  i am craving sweets still.  i had to do everything in my power not to go out and buy a chocolate bar or dessert.  which i didn't. i am proud of myself :) yay! 


there is this weird part of my brain that irrationally rationalizes that i won't be as nice without the consumption of sugar.  i know weird. but it's how i conceptualize life.  silly yes. 25 more lbs to go. it feels good to say that number.  its doable.  totally. 




to the stars, 




uma

and the routine.

"Make the decision, then do something - no matter how small - toward accomplishing what you want. "

okay so i was thinking about routine all day. and i realized that i enjoy ab workouts so i will do the following:
- wake up  @  6:00 am
- do ab workout 
- hit the shower @ 6;30am
- dress up for work @ 7am
- prepare lunch, eat breakfast @7:30am
- go to work @ 8am


this will be the normal routine for workdays


for weekends it will be like this



- wake up  @  8:00 am
- go to the gym 
- hit the shower @ 9;30am
- prepare lunch, eat breakfast @10:30am
- start weekend day


lets see how this goes. tomorrow will be trial 1. 




to the stars, 


uma

"make a wish. take a chance. make a change"

i feel motivated today. i went to the gym. didn't crave junk food. thought about fitness, and how i can get better and stay consistent.  i just have to work in exercise and diet into my life as part of normal routine. as i mentioned before, i don't do well with routine - but now is not the time to dwell on the past. so how do i establish a lifetime routine? - cuz it's essential to the success of my fitness goals! 


okay so i just googled (i can't imagine life without or before google!), here are some trending thoughts to making exercise part of my daily routine: 


- alter your thoughts - question the importance, the motive, the purpose of exercise
- consider your priorities, where does exercise fit? how important is it to your life?
- how would exercise be a part of your daily life - think of different ways you stay active, exercise?
- figure out what's not working for you, what are the barriers?
- study your current routine, figure out what you need to eliminate and add to make exercise fit into your daily life - be prepared for weekends and holidays! 


okay i am going to mull over these points a bit! till tomorrow. 




to the stars, 




uma