i love to write. i love to read just as much and throughout my weight loss journey, which started sometime in 2009, the personal weight loss blogs of many amazing ladies have inspired me, given me hope, and led me to believe that i too can accomplish my goals.
so numero uno, i want a mental space to sort out my feelings, hopes, challenges and goals.
secondly, i hope i can inspire at least one person to believe that they too can accomplish their dreams - whatever it may be. to know that they are not alone in their journey.
so that is the reason for having a blog.
as for my weight-loss journey: weight has been a sort of abstract concept for me. media played a huge part in my conceptualization of what it meant to be fit, as did societal expectations and boys...LOL. these three pillars were the foundation of my construed misunderstanding of what it meant to be happy, confident, valued and loved. to be skinny meant you were allowed to be all those things. to be fat meant that you were prevented from ever attaining anything but shame and blame.
to be fair, there was that one time during my childhood when i felt like i was at a weight that i considered was ideal and healthy, until of course the age of 4. and there was that one odd, maybe two times, where i lost a lot of weight and felt super good about myself. these came in spurts, lasting maybe 8 months or so at the most. there were a few other times when i just felt healthy and strong, because i was regularly going to the gym or keeping up with jogging, but sooner than later, i would succumb into my old, bad habits of abusing food and lazing around.
so for the most part i felt like i was fat. not smart, kind, intelligent, fashionable or just super great. just fat. i realize this is not only a fat issue, but a mental issue, a food issue, a focus issue, a dedication issue and self-esteem issue. it's a disease that stretches further and deeper than calories or my skin. and i want to conquer it by the head and throw it out to Pluto or maybe to that new distant Super Earth that was recently uncovered.
regardless of what has been, i want to change my today and the tomorrows. i don't want to be tagged in pictures like these:
these pictures were taken at my highest weights - i think close to the 190s (2008-2010), it wasn't a happy period in my life - i resorted to food more than necessary. over indulged in sitting around and recoiling from life.
i still have some way to go till my ideal weight of 120. the lightest i have ever been is probably 135 at almost 5'7. so i have to still chop off some pounds, but more importantly, i never want to relapse.
that's why i want to start this journal, so that i can learn to do this the right way and address the issues that are at the core of this problem. this was a list of commitments that i wanted to work on from 2010, that still apply today & will apply forever:
1. eat healthy
2. learn how to cook, plan meals
3. exercise regularly and consistently
4. listen to hunger cues, portion-control and don't overeat
5. avoid junk food, especially when using food to elevate mood or when bored
6. take
better care of my "appearance"
7. educate myself on nutrition & clean eating -on my terms, as a vegetarian
8. educate myself on fitness, not only to lose weight but to increase skills such as stamina & endurance
9. indulge in new physical activities such as tennis, hiking, kayaking, etc.
10. make no
excuses!!!
i am happy to say that every day i am getting a little better, despite the general slips and falls.
i hope i can get to 120 lbs sooner than later.
i hope i can get to 120 lbs sooner than later.
to the stars,
uma
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