lessons from my mother.

"telling a child she is “good” or “bad” based off of the food she eats is confusing for her. Young children want to please. If she gets praise from an adult for what or how much she eats that is another reason to ignore her internal cues and rely on external cues and praise to guide their eating. Not to mention the emotions (negative and positive) that can begin to form around food. Children are “good” because they treat their friends and family with love and kindness, not because they can finish their sandwich."   {source}

my mom had many rules to adhere to growing up, but 3 have stuck to me like glue:


1. always finish your plate(s)
2. dont let food go to waste
3. dont let yourself go hungry (aka. eat before you get hungry)


These were the easiest of all rules to embrace as a kid, easier than do your homework, don't watch TV, don't draw on the walls, etc.  


following these simple rules ensured that i was praised and noted by my parents. and it really worked well for my parents - they never had to deal with dinner time tantrums, like with my sister to eat her food.  i was the example to follow for all my cousins.  and none of my mom's hard grueling work over the kitchen went to waste.  their hard earned monies never went to a waste. and i never looked malnourished, so that meant they had fed me well, which translated into they are great parents.  and the bonus: i was a "good girl". 


and flash forward a few years and 100s of pounds and diets later, these are the rules that I am having the hardest time letting go of.  i am getting better, but then it's so easy to slip back to what has been ingrained in me for the last 25 years.  i always have a hard time not finishing the plate, throwing food, and i always seem to be in a race with hunger -- with no need to say that i never lose.   


i thought about this yesterday when i saw the marble chocolate cake in the fridge around dinner time - it was yummy and extra choclatey and i realized that if i didnt eat it, it would go to waste.


what!?!? 


or more importantly, so what?


i needed to let it go to waste because the last thing that i needed was cake.  considering i had an everything bagel with crazy amounts of cream cheese for breakfast and a Big Mac (without Meat) for lunch WITH fries on the side.


Did i really need a slice of cake? apparently I DID - two big slices of them.  


and to make matters worse i had the same cake for breakfast this morning. there was a minor victory however: this time i had one slice & i left one slice, the very last piece. i left that last piece in the fridge even though every cell in my body wanted to devour it.  maybe it will be wasted or consumed by another family member, but not me. it looks like i am a "good girl" after all. 




to the stars, 


uma

determined.

"dreams don`t work unless you do."

today was super hard. this whole month has been super hard. hard physically, mentally, emotionally...i keep saying that i want to move past this plateau and keep moving south on the weight loss chart. but my weight hasn't budged since the last progress point and i am beyond frustrated.


i feel demotivated and i have been binge eating to fill that void emptiness that comes with no progress. i have to keep reminding myself that binge eating, playing games on my phone and surfing the net are adding nothing worth while to my life. instead i have to put more effort into things that make a difference and add value to my life: i.e. my career, entrepreneurship and even the creative arts. instead i keep indulging in life leeching, mind numbing, time wasting activities.


i hope Monday now will be a new start.




to the stars,


uma

days of our cycles.

"have less. do more. be more."

i feel like today has been a day of emotional roller coasters. i've been binging on food as ferociously as a bear getting prepared to hibernate. my emotions are seriously on an all time high - i am super sensitive and i feel that no one is nice.


i know its the time of the month and this is that dreaded time where control, dedication, commitment and diet and fitness are synonymous with non-existent. this is that time where a whole months work gets tossed out the window in a matter of a few measley days. tres sad.


i hope tomorrow will be different - i hope i get over this crappy plateau and start to get back on track - i want to, so badly, be rid of the 150's once and for all.


to the stars,


uma

the first post.

“Go on an Adventure.”

i try to do everything all at once or all at once and way too fast. in every aspect of my life this is true.  it's like i see a target and a timeline and i'm sprinting to get to that destination within a nano-second. of course this is not possible and i give up. no i don't try an alternative.


no i don't give myself more time. 
no i don't take a break and try again. 
and no i don't try to figure out what went wrong.


i flat out give up. but this time - i hope things will be different. i hope i can conquer this life-long battle with the scale. something clicked today in my head and i realize no i don't have to do everything in one day or one month. this is about the rest of my life, not a short term goal for a one day reward.  yes of course optimally i want to look good before my 28th birthday and i don't want to start my 28th birthday feeling fat. but i need to do this in strides - it has to be a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix. 


what this means is - that if tomorrow i worked out for just 5 minutes, that's okay. if i drank just one cup of water - that's okay too. as long as I DON`T GIVE UP.  the point is i'm starting slow and i'm building the foundation of my life.  the rest of my life counts too - not just one day or the day i reach my goal.


so i was thinking alot about desserts and snacks and all the yummy treats i so desire and devour and i'm thinking i am going to make sundays my baking days. i am gonna bake a batch of cookies or a small loaf of cake and portion it to last me and family the whole week. this way i don't devour 6 wafer cookies in one sitting or all the other damaging treats i've ingested today. 


i also calculated how much money it would cost me to buy subway for 30 days a month - and it turns out $3.66 (veggie flatbread) x 30days = 109.80 - i don't eat lunch out 30 days a month but if i needed to find an alternative on the days i forgot lunch i know i'm not breaking the bank.  and i'm thinking maybe i should alternate - i can make lunch twice a week and three times a week i can get subway and it still would be affordable and healthy calories wise.  there is also another dimension to this - i often feel super guilty letting ppl eat alone for lunch so i feel that i must keep ppl company and that means the 15mins i would take to go out and grab a subway i stay at work and purchase unhealthy, greasy food from the work eatery and chow it down mindlessly.  i have to put myself first. i don't always have to look out for others in cases like this and people are always more capable than what we give them credit for. and if they dislike me for this - then i have to brave this, b/c life goes on.


the other thing i want to do is also learn more about nutrition and exercise - for example what are complex carbs vs. simple carbs and what's the difference between strength training and cardio - so i thought i'll devote one week to a subject each week so that i'm enlightening myself as i go along.


i also want to take up a sport: i have my sights set on tennis and i want to do a 10k next year or a half marathon in 2012- i participated in a 5k this year and it was absolutely exhilarating and i'm hooked!


to do list: 
1. start with small habits: aim for 15 minutes of physical activity tomorrow (purchase a skipping rope)
2. pick a simple easy to do recipie for Sunday ( no more than 5 ingridients)
3. stock up on green tea and purchase a metal water bottle
4. buy subway for thursday (find the healthiest combination of veggie sub option)
5. pick a subject on exercise or nutrition to study this week - i think i am gonna do carbs - just cuz i'm obsessed with them from an eating perspective.
6. read coolrunning.com feature on from couch to 5k


i know i might stumble along the way - but i hope i get up and keep going still. 


to the stars,


uma