chapter 2.

Nourish the Soul.

i can't remember the last time i felt that i have really worked towards my fitness goals. it's been hard emotionally and it seemed like i have been spiraling downwards rather than moving towards my goals.  i gained at least 15 lbs.  i am sad. but not hopeless. 

i want to change course. i want to get back on track. and i will. i am confident. and this time i will not stop till i get to the end.  i promise.  

first things first - this week till the end of Sunday I am going to focus on eating.  I might even focus on eating till the end of next week.  what does this mean - i need to figure out breakfast, lunch and salad.  i will only eat fruits as snacks nothing else. except maybe vegetables.  

i've been eating like crazy at work - it's not good. in fact it's been super bad.  i don't know what to take to work. i am thinking that tuesday to thursday i will have only Subway.  and then Monday and Friday i fast - so that won't be an issue. dinners will strictly be salads.  i heard some people eat a bag of salad like chips. that sounds a bit crazy to me - even though i did finish a whole box of Godiva, which should register me as more crazy.  maybe my mental faculties will become more in tact once i get back on track. who know's maybe i'll be eating a bag salad in the near future.  

okay back to planning food - it sounds so easy. fruits, salad, subway and vegetables. why is it so hard?! i am constantly craving sweets and warm bread and cheesy gooyness and creamy stuff.  these are the things that my body naturally craves for.  correction these are the things my appetite craves.  but this is also where self-control is lacking on my part.  my cravings will no longer rule me, especially not make me eat horrible food.  

i have to get back to taking pictures of my food that really helped and writing down what i ate.  i can do this.  okay re-cap of meal plan: 

1. breakfast, lunch and salad
2. breakfast can be fruits
3. lunch can be Subway
4. dinner has to be salad
5. take picture of food
6. drinks will have to be warm/hot
7. drinks can only be water and plain teas
8. 800 calorie limit per day
9. drink at least one litre of water a day
10. forgive myself when i fail

fingers crossed. chapter 2 begins. 

to the stars, 

uma

what is junk?

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

that picture was from a huge binge spree i had in September 2011, the brown bag has freshly baked jumbo chocolate croissants.  to be fair my sister did indulge in this stack as well, as did my parents. so no i didn't sit there all of it by myself.  but it was my idea and i did eat a lot of it, most of it >_<  


i had another binge episode on Sunday - not impressed. sometimes we all need a reminder of what junk food is, okay fine i need a reminder! so here is my wee little reminder, actually i just remembered something i created with a friend a few years back...found it!: 

Eliminate	Enhance
white bread	whole grain/wheat
cold food (ie. ice-cream)	warm/hot food
fried food (ie. fries)	grilled/baked food
chocolate	fruits
desserts/pastries	vegetables
cookies	dried fruit/raisins/dates
chips	nuts/legumes
pop	water
coffee?	green tea
cream	skim milk
unhealthy fats/oils	healthy oils
sugary fruit juices	freshly squeezed fruits

copying this on here made me realize how much i am depriving myself of foods that i genuinely love and adore.  having been down this weight loss journey before, i know that eventually all the bad food really will make me feel "bad". but right now all i am craving is a good piece of Bounty.  I know that no food is "bad", it's all about moderation.  


unfortunately, moderation didn't get me to my current position, so i am going to have to sacrifice for awhile until i get back on track.  yet at the same time, i am not going to go all bonkers if i slip here and there.  i just have to plan my indulgence.




to the stars, 




uma   

to seek inspiration.

"If I could ask for one thing it wouldn't be happiness,wealth,or any form of success.  Every day I pray for inspiration.  Inspiration every day."

i am still unmotivated. there are things i need to make a regular habit/routine: 


- pre-planning meals
- saying no to junk/chocolate
- going to the gym daily - no excuses
- waking up early 
- recording my meals and all intake
- drinking more water
- eating more greens 
- eat more whole grain/whole wheat


i am better than i was in the last four years. but i can still be better. i think i should join some classes - i am thinking bootcamp, more bellydancing, swimming and tennis.  i have 56 days till my goal date, i need to bring this up a notch.  feel 1/10th of milimeter more inspired than i was before i started this blog. that reminds me, most important routine/habit: 

Keep Blogging Daily

to the stars, 


uma

the first post.

“Go on an Adventure.”

i try to do everything all at once or all at once and way too fast. in every aspect of my life this is true.  it's like i see a target and a timeline and i'm sprinting to get to that destination within a nano-second. of course this is not possible and i give up. no i don't try an alternative.


no i don't give myself more time. 
no i don't take a break and try again. 
and no i don't try to figure out what went wrong.


i flat out give up. but this time - i hope things will be different. i hope i can conquer this life-long battle with the scale. something clicked today in my head and i realize no i don't have to do everything in one day or one month. this is about the rest of my life, not a short term goal for a one day reward.  yes of course optimally i want to look good before my 28th birthday and i don't want to start my 28th birthday feeling fat. but i need to do this in strides - it has to be a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix. 


what this means is - that if tomorrow i worked out for just 5 minutes, that's okay. if i drank just one cup of water - that's okay too. as long as I DON`T GIVE UP.  the point is i'm starting slow and i'm building the foundation of my life.  the rest of my life counts too - not just one day or the day i reach my goal.


so i was thinking alot about desserts and snacks and all the yummy treats i so desire and devour and i'm thinking i am going to make sundays my baking days. i am gonna bake a batch of cookies or a small loaf of cake and portion it to last me and family the whole week. this way i don't devour 6 wafer cookies in one sitting or all the other damaging treats i've ingested today. 


i also calculated how much money it would cost me to buy subway for 30 days a month - and it turns out $3.66 (veggie flatbread) x 30days = 109.80 - i don't eat lunch out 30 days a month but if i needed to find an alternative on the days i forgot lunch i know i'm not breaking the bank.  and i'm thinking maybe i should alternate - i can make lunch twice a week and three times a week i can get subway and it still would be affordable and healthy calories wise.  there is also another dimension to this - i often feel super guilty letting ppl eat alone for lunch so i feel that i must keep ppl company and that means the 15mins i would take to go out and grab a subway i stay at work and purchase unhealthy, greasy food from the work eatery and chow it down mindlessly.  i have to put myself first. i don't always have to look out for others in cases like this and people are always more capable than what we give them credit for. and if they dislike me for this - then i have to brave this, b/c life goes on.


the other thing i want to do is also learn more about nutrition and exercise - for example what are complex carbs vs. simple carbs and what's the difference between strength training and cardio - so i thought i'll devote one week to a subject each week so that i'm enlightening myself as i go along.


i also want to take up a sport: i have my sights set on tennis and i want to do a 10k next year or a half marathon in 2012- i participated in a 5k this year and it was absolutely exhilarating and i'm hooked!


to do list: 
1. start with small habits: aim for 15 minutes of physical activity tomorrow (purchase a skipping rope)
2. pick a simple easy to do recipie for Sunday ( no more than 5 ingridients)
3. stock up on green tea and purchase a metal water bottle
4. buy subway for thursday (find the healthiest combination of veggie sub option)
5. pick a subject on exercise or nutrition to study this week - i think i am gonna do carbs - just cuz i'm obsessed with them from an eating perspective.
6. read coolrunning.com feature on from couch to 5k


i know i might stumble along the way - but i hope i get up and keep going still. 


to the stars,


uma