Not forgotten.

   
“Nature does not hurry,
yet everything is accomplished.”

I don't know what it is but for the last couple months I have not been trying as hard to get to my goals.  I've been sadly doing everything to sabotage everything that I've accomplished so far.  I passed the 134 pound mark sometime in late June - now it's November and I am back at 143 pounds.  Tell me why such things happen.  I don't understand.  Yet, I know things have to change. Again. 

I am gonna start over from the beginning.  I joined the running room half marathon training.  I fell down pretty hard on my knees yesterday - had the whole ordeal: blood and swelling, the whole bit.  I want to keep running - it drives me to get stronger.  

Today I don't feel strong. I feel weak in mind and spirit and especially body.  I don't understand where I went wrong - but I know I have to change this mentality that I am keep succumbing to first.  I have a goal - I've had this goal for way longer than I meant to.  It's one of the first goals I've had since my childhood. To lose weight and be slim.  I am still working on this goal many many MANY years after.  It's been too many years past that I've held onto this dream - I need to make this a reality. 

I am back at square one.  I need to incorporate the following: 

1. Healthy Eating: 

Vegetables, Whole Grains, Fruits and WATER

2. Portions: 

Eat the right portions of food & eat it slowly

3. Movement: 

Resist the modern sedentary lifestyle

4. Mental Health:

Practice gratitude, positive thinking and believe in the good of things

5. Mental Strength: 

Identify opportunities to be strong and resist falling into bad habits

6. Consistency: 

Making an everyday effort and commit to creating a Healthy Lifestyle

7. Preparation: 

Pre-planning your day, co-create your life, or end up somewhere unwanted

8. Education: 

Study best practices, knowledge is power - to drive you when emotions struggle

9. Conscious Living: 

Record your day's meals & act's, understand your behavior & body - meditate!

10. Take care of your external body: 

Hair, SPF, moisturizer, massages, facials, makeup, style, good hygiene, etc. 

Breathe! 

to the stars, 

uma

Stagnant.

The mind is everything.
What you think, you become.

i haven't lost any weight since July. I am gonna go full force again starting tomorrow October 1st.  It will be my 90 Day Reverse Resolution :)

i kind of lost my motivation mid-July.  i could blame it on a million different reasons, causes, situations and people.  I rather take the ownership and say that i just didn't commit enough to my cause.  

i know consistency brings results so this is going to be my focus for the next 90 days:

1. absolutely no sugary desserts or junk food
2. pre-planning my meals every day

3. snacks = fruits and vegetables, nothing else

4. i will commit to 3 salads a week

5. 1L of water a day

6. exercise 60 minutes a day

7. buy one new outfit every two weeks

8. focus daily on body image and makeup and hair, etc. 

90 days is more than enough to kick off the last 20 pounds that seem hopelessly stuck to me.  Mind over Matter.  i will conquer and prevail.  

to the stars, 

uma

it's not impossible.

"Do you choose to simply know the path, or do you choose to walk it?"

i was down to 134 lbs and i freaked out and now i am back up to 140 lbs.  i don't know why i do the things that i do.  i love myself enough to commit to these last 20 lbs with a vengeance.  i can do this! i know i can.  

i am doing another challenge this month. 30 days of no junk and lots of exercise.  that should help right?  i hope so.  maybe i'll throw in some yoga, more running, add some green tea three times a day - what else??! i just want to get to the finish line already! 


i am proud of the consistency in my weight loss - 40 lbs lighter is quite the accomplishment i thinks! just 20 more lbs to go.  this is more than doable. i just have to be consistent. i have to be dedicated and driven.  it's not impossible. 


to the stars, 


uma

miss. independent

"Don't sacrifice your future for a momentary pleasure" 

i always feel that i need "someone" to do everything.  i have been independent most of my life, but still there has been this lingering need for constant company.  and when i get the company, i get dependent.  i hate that in myself.  


and just like that i recently got used to going to the gym with my best friend, but she only goes like once every full moon so i've been somewhat mimicking this pattern.  and she only needs to tone, whereas i need to still lose 20 more lbs, well 22 if you considered all the hardcore binging that i managed to accomplish this week.  yet, i know what i need to do, and the task at hand does not require a teammate.   


yes, it is nice to have someone support you and be beside you, but if i can't realistically depend on anyone - i am more than capable of doing workouts by myself.  i see no other way.  the weak part of me is a bit bitter - and the strong part of me says "get over it!".  this is something i need to do for myself - and i CAN do this.  i do not lack friends.  i just have to know that this is a mission that needs to be completed, solo.  and if i meet people through this journey then i welcome the fresh faces.  


i know that i am not truly alone, ever.  i have to believe that the universe surrounds me with love and support every moment of my life.  this i believe and i cherish this knowing.  


I can do this - 22 more lbs, to be gone forever...


to the stars, 


uma


p.s. i just came back from a hardcore 1.5 hr workout session - cycling, running, sprinting, cardio, weights - the whole package! i am proud! and i am powerful beyond measure! rOAR! :)

self-sabotage

“It always seems impossible until its done.”

 - Nelson Mandela

sometimes i feel that the closer i get to my ultimate goal weight - the faster i want to sabotage my progress. i know it's insane! but i am noticing a pattern.  i finally got below the 140 mark (third time!) and i just want to binge.  it's like my body and mind is uncomfortable being small.  


i have to really focus on my mental will power now.  i have to make sure that i do everything in my power not to sabotage myself.  i need to know that i can reach my goal.  i can reach my goal.  i have to really tell myself that i deserve this, that i want this, and that it will be for the betterment of my life.  


walking down the mall i realized how far i've come. it felt almost as if i was walking on clouds.  i've gotten so much lighter. i can feel it in my movements, in the way my clothes fall off of me and in the way i fit into places.  i love it - but my journey is not over.  i still have soo much to learn and 18.4 lbs to go! 


to the stars, 


uma 

missing in action.

"are your excuses more important than your dreams?"

literally. i haven't been to the gym in over a week.  i did go to a 45 minute Zumba session and i did a couple of hundred situps and other strength training ish throughout the week. but no gym.  what does that mean? it means that i did not push myself enough - i didn't try hard enough.  i have a half marathon coming in October so i have to start training, otherwise i will be fainting on course - which would be mega embarassing.  i hope i make a sincere effort to go today.  i need to lose another 24 lbs to get to my ultra goal weight. 


i am already starting to get the distracting and disabling comments like "are you eating at all??!?" "you don't need to lose any more weight!?!" "you're too tall to be that skinny".  yes these are all discouraging but i have to keep moving and losing - otherwise all the hard work that i've done would be a loss.  i am proud of myself - it took a lot of persistence.  i want to say and sacrifice, but no what i did up to the point of gaining pound after pound of weight was a sacrifice, a sacrifice of happiness, health and opportunities.  i only looked at the very short term fulfillment and sacrificed the things that really mattered.  no more sacrifices. 


i tried to go without sugar for the month of march - with the exception of my bday cake of course.  and i have to say i've been pretty successful.  i do remember craving chocolate or cake here and there but i sustained.  i didn't obsessively check every single ingredient. i kind of played it by ear - if i thought something was sweet and sugary like a donut, coffee, milk tea, candy, chocolate, cake, etc. then i didn't eat it. period.  i am going to try drinking soup for dinner all week next week as an experiment and see how that works out for me.  


it is constant work, but not really - it's life.  every single small daily act that i maintain will help to create hundreds of ripples in my life and the life of my loved ones.  oh! that reminds me, i am such a brat - i can't believe i didn't mention the enablers.  so everyone, and i mean EVERYONE knows i am on a "diet" so for my bday my boyfriend bought me the smallest but most delicious cake he could find to support me, my mommy bought me a small square slice of a cake which all of us shared, with the exception of my daddykins who is also doing a sugar cleanse for awhile now. And at work we didn't do the traditional cake celebration - instead i got beautiful pink flowers! i was ever so appreciative of everyones thoughtfulness.  


i hope these last 24lbs melt off magically, or at least without any glitches and major bumps on the road.    


to the stars, 


uma

leaving behind the comfort.

"there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind"

~ C.S. Lewis

i want to exercise. but i really don't. i wish i could let my body go to the gym and do an exercise while i remained back here in sedentary relaxing.  :)


i don't know what disables us from attaining to do our best 100% of the time. is it perhaps that we don't require all this ambition - maybe i really don't "need" a super fit and sexy body. maybe being sluggish and at a normal weight is deserving of equal contentment. 


i suspect this type of "settling" comes from a strong aversion for the uncomfortable, that coincidentally comes with striving for more.  it's so simple in my head. get changed. put on your runners. get out of the house. get to the gym. run. exercise. core workout. leave. and i am done.  yet just the thought of this is so painful. whyyyyyyy? i don't get it. 


what contentment am i really attaining from this non-motion? this blah-ness? this non-living? non-participation in life?  why can't i be more focused and motivated. 


i have to get to the gym today. whatever it takes. 




to the stars, 




uma