on preservation & deservation.

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" 

- Henry Ford

i am going to go on break in a couple of minutes.  i am struggling with: to buy a sweet something or not to buy a sweet something.  the thoughts that are going through my head are along the lines of "i deserve it", "i skipped breakfast", "i haven't binged since being awake"


the most persistent of these thoughts is "i deserve it" - why do i "deserve" it? i don't understand this rationale.  yet my brain is persistently telling me that i "deserve" it.  don't i deserve instead good health, will power, and a feeling of accomplishment when my body eventually settles in the 120 lbs zone.  


needless to say, i got a muffin - not a healthy choice and definitely not a deserving choice.  and then i went on to get a chocolate chip cookie for the afternoon


i don't know why i feel so out of control when i am trying to remain in control.  i am trying to get back on track with the weight loss goals and processes but it seems almost near to impossible.  i don't know what else to say. 


where are you miracle? i am waiting.


to the stars,


uma