"your life begins outside your comfort zone"

i needed to do a second post today. i haven't done too many lately. so two in one day can't be bad, right?  what i wanted to tell you is this: 



I AM BACK! For GOOD! i am going to kill these last 25 lbs!!! I've come so far and I will not stop.  I heard this saying that if you want to make something a habit you have to keep at it for 28 days and it'll become habitual - BULL SHIT!!! if you want something done - YOU do it! you never stop! you never pause! there is no auto-pilot or cruise control for life.  you have to be at it every day if you want something.  you don't make habits - you make commitments! 


so yes i did report back to my food journal every single day for way more than 30 days - but it did not become habit b/c I stopped for the last week.  


i will make this a priority. every single day. fitness that is.  i am so grateful that i have a body that is in working condition. i am so super lucky.  now i will treat it right.  so i decided for the month of March - which starts tomorrow: i am going to do my best to eliminate sugar from my diet for 31 days - one and only exception one slice of bday cake! :) 


anyone want to be adventurous and join me? 




to the stars, 


uma

seeking momentum.

START SOMETHING POSITIVE

Momentum can be difficult to establish. And that's what makes it so valuable. 

Because once you have it going in your favor, momentum can be hard to stop. 

With momentum on your side, small efforts can bring big results, 

and those big results can lead to even bigger ones. 

Yes, momentum takes some effort and commitment to put into motion. 

And it is very much worth the trouble.  Take the time and make the effort to start something positive. 

Even though, in the short term, it would be easier and more comfortable to just do nothing, 

look past those immediate concerns. 

Look ahead to that point where momentum kicks in, 

and consider the value of putting it to work in your favor. 

Then get up, get going, and get to work on building that momentum. 

Start something positive, and create some valuable momentum. 

You'll be able to ride that momentum as far as you can imagine. 

-- Ralph Marston

i've been incredibly horrible with all of my to-do's fitness wise, just plain horrible.  i love comfort, i could soak in the parameters of a "comfortable" life all my life, every day, evey second, every minute.


exercise is not comfortable. going to the gym is not comfortable. leaving the comforts and warmth of my home is not comfortable.  going out in the cold winter awaiting outside my door is not comfortable.  running for prolonged periods is not comfortable.  weight-loss is not comfortable.  the act of discipline is not comfortable. none of this is comfortable.

yet, at the end of the day when i haven't done what i was supposed to do life is no longer comfortable.  so, i know that i have to get out of the comfort zone for the larger picture. yes, second by second life is passing by comfortably. but i am remaining stagnant in life.  i've never been this close to my goal weight.  i have, but not in this same way.  

i feel much stronger than the last time, i feel like i understand so much more than the last time.  i have a regime, developed habits and attained the art of saying no.  if i stop now, i will miss out on all of the other wonderful lessons awaiting me.  i can't stop. not now. not when i am so close to the finishing line.  

i have to get uncomfotable.  




to the stars, 




uma

too many fears.

"Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear."

~Anthony Robbins

i am feeling lazy to go to the gym. i enjoy the process once i arrive but lateley i haven't been motivated to go.  


on sunday i was trying to run my usual 25 minutes on the treadmill @ 6 mph, rather than 5.7 mph and i just couldn't do it.  i could hardly make it to five minutes without stopping.  it really de-motivated me. it annoyed me and angered me.  so much that i no longer like the treadmill.


i also have this bad habit of avoiding water.  i avoid water like the plague, not  tea, green tea, coffee, even OJ - just water.  i feel like water stays locked in and doesn't leave my body once it enters.  it's a paranoia, another fear.


i told myself this is the year that i let go of fear.  i don't want to live in the shadow of fear. fear of failure. fear of falling short. fear of not succeeding. fear of danger. injury. embarrassment. too many fears.


i need to get unstuck.


to the stars,


uma

what is greed?

"It comes down to a simple question: what do you want out of life, and what are you willing to do to get it?"

what is greed? i think greed is the byproduct of insecurity and misinformation.  in the world of the obese, i believe it's the feeling of not having enough, or not being enough. does that make sense? it made sense in my head while i thought it.  


many times there is this feeling of urgency when we overeat, as if tomorrow the food we eat today will become extinct.  or maybe it's this feeling that food is a soul healer. ads on TV portray food as central to social gatherings, food is a celebration.  but we forget the basics - food is foremost nutrition.  


my friends had a potluck yesterday and i still had leftovers for lunch today.  i had pretty much one of pretty much everything - but just 1-2 pieces of everything, sometimes half a piece. i thought i was portioning. it wasn't until i went to write in my food journal i realized i so was not portioning when i was eating one of "everything".  


eating, or at least proper eating takes a lot of conscious decision making.  i will do my best to not repeat the same mistake again and get better everyday.  as for greed, i hope we realize that we have more than enough to go around.  let's not let fear and lies make us think otherwise.    




to the stars, 


uma

the story of fear.

"if it is important to you, you will find a way"

she's afraid. she's afraid of the dark. she's afraid of life. she's afraid of results. she's afraid of tomorrows. she's afraid of poverty. she's afraid of strangers. she's afraid of brashness. she's afraid of everything. everything can turn on her at any moment. this is how she sees her world, this is her cracked mirror.  she eats to numb emotions, she eats to slow down time.  she eats to fill the empty spaces of her soul. she eats to ensure that she ate enough for tomorrow. and the day after. and the day after that - in case she won't have enough.  she's afraid of the lack of tomorrow. 


this is her biggest enemy.  


the fear. 


she will get rid of fear. she will replace it with courage. it is all or nothing. life begins now.




to the stars, 




uma  

i am going to buy a bike.

on preservation & deservation.

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" 

- Henry Ford

i am going to go on break in a couple of minutes.  i am struggling with: to buy a sweet something or not to buy a sweet something.  the thoughts that are going through my head are along the lines of "i deserve it", "i skipped breakfast", "i haven't binged since being awake"


the most persistent of these thoughts is "i deserve it" - why do i "deserve" it? i don't understand this rationale.  yet my brain is persistently telling me that i "deserve" it.  don't i deserve instead good health, will power, and a feeling of accomplishment when my body eventually settles in the 120 lbs zone.  


needless to say, i got a muffin - not a healthy choice and definitely not a deserving choice.  and then i went on to get a chocolate chip cookie for the afternoon


i don't know why i feel so out of control when i am trying to remain in control.  i am trying to get back on track with the weight loss goals and processes but it seems almost near to impossible.  i don't know what else to say. 


where are you miracle? i am waiting.


to the stars,


uma

in search of miracles.

"i am only one, but i am one. i cannot do everything, but i can do something.

and i will not let what i cannot do interfere with what i can do." 

- edward everett hale

i am in full fledged binge mode, there is no denying it.  i went to Boston Pizza yesterday and i literally ate past the "full point".  It started with the weekend.  I was super stressed out and went out with my BFF to Demetres to treat ourselves to sweet sugary desserts to drown out the difficulties of being an adult living with parents.


i know i need to move out, because living with my parents at this age is becoming more and more of a challenge.  my parents don't seem to understand that i am a grown adult and at the same time i feel that maybe i am distressing them by remaining a burden.  cultural and generational gaps apart, we don't see eye to eye on most things.  everything becomes a struggle. life becomes a struggle.


but back to the matter at hand, i am stressed and i realize it's leading me to depend on food.  i see myself succumb to old eating habits.  i have to stop over eating and portioning my food better. i wish this was much easier but its not.  i have also not gone to the gym 3 days in a row including today.  ahhh i need to get back on track.


other than my stash of godiva truffles (one per day of course) i have to eliminate all junk.  it's a must.  i am out of control right now and i can't depend on  myself being rational about my food choices.


if i dont' go to the gym i have to work out at home - i just have to! no ifs buts or maybes. i am going to do it! and that's that!  i have to add more activity to my day when i am at work, especially at work cuz i sit for eight hours straight, drive for two hours and sleep 6-7 hours.   that's 16-17 hours in a 24 hour day spent in a sedentary state.  gosh that's awful.


i don't want to lose hope. and i dont' want to stall my weight loss.  i need help and big time. but more importantly i need miracles.  lots of them.



to the stars,


uma

Monday Measurements

"In all your adversities there lies the seeds of equivalent advantages. In every defeat there is a lesson showing you how to win the next time."

i weighed myself this morning and i lost a whole pound. i should be more happier - cuz the last couple of months just losing one pound was a long and excruciating process.  yet, the impatient girl within me wants to see leaps and bounds of progress within each month.  i got to 148.2, but i really wanted to be at 145 this week.   i should stop this impatience. i need to be patient and really feel out this weight loss.  if i do it too fast like the last time, it would become a mindless process and i would be back at my old ways in no time.  on that thought, i have to really slow how i eat too.  i don't know why i am always in such a race.  i don't want my life to become a rat race.  but back to the body. 


i realized so much emphasis is given to our emotions and our souls, and unless it is on a cosmetic note we don't value our bodies nearly as much.  what connects us to our mind and our soul, isn't it the body?  without this body we have no identity in this world. and what can we identify?  the health of our body is hence becomes a topic of importance to me.  every inch is sacred, a blessing.  i am grateful for all it's million and ten working components.  even as i sleep my heart beats for me.   even i rest the blood flows, my breathing never ceases.  my brain is transmitting so many signals, it watches over everything.  i appreciate my body, each and every inch.


to the stars, 


uma

the importance of a journal

"act as if it were impossible to fail"

i have been super slacking with the blogging aspect.  it's important for me to keep the habit of daily blogging to ensure that i am conscious about my lifestyle change.  i don't want to call it a diet, because that has a short term ring to it.  i want my "diet" to be for life.   in the past i didn't know enough about food and exercise to make the required healthy choices.  that's what i am trying to change now - my knowledge about what is good for me.  that's why i need to conscious during this phase.  


the last time i lost a ton of weight i did it thinking that it was a temporary sacrifice that would wean long term benefits.  it's retrospect i realize how irrational this was, but at the time i didn't know any better.  and i did lose a lot of weight basically by cutting down food. but then as soon as i lost the weight and became emotionally distressed i went back to food.  


monitoring my sleep has been another addition to my wellness conscious.  it has been really helping me.  i used to depend on coffee and other stimulants to keep me alert.  but through exercise, the right amount of food and proper sleep and rest i feel that i am functioning at a much better state than coffee ever provided me with.  sleep is so important, the days i lack sleep i am super irritable, lazy and confounded to sitting.  the days when i get enough i am much more amiable. creative, and productive.  


another improvement on the diet front, i think the two times a week fasting is shrinking my tummy.  i can't seem to eat as much as before, and my hunger cues and fullness cues are much more distinguished.  i like that.  i tried to eat a slice of cake, and i just couldn't finish the whole thing yesterday - i eventually did over a three hour period. but embarrassingly, there were times in the past where i could have gone for a second piece.  mind you my diet yesterday was not entirely great, portion control is getting easier to manage.  


emotionally, i am a bit distressed these days - but i am not turning to food. in the past food was my only savior. but now i am reading and writing and talking to people and getting my emotions out rather than stuffing them in my tummy underneath loads of food.  sometimes i hesitate to talk about my bad food habits because of embarrassing myself, but i know as i progress in this journey it will get easier and easier.   i am seeing progress, not nearly fast enough - but it is progress nonetheless.  


to the stars, 


uma

she went to the gym. (again)

the lazy day

i am fully slacking off on journalling - so here is my attempt at writing, or reblogging a wonderful quote that i so needed & found: 


“Get Off The Scale! 


You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance. 


Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. 


It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

scared.

"every day is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again"

i just entered the 140s. i should be super excited and happy, but my bratty brain is like "how much longer till the next 2 lbs: 202,309,323 more months to go?" sarcastic, much?


i know progress has been moving at snail's pace, like super slow snail pace. i want to just push the fat off of a cliff already, but i just have to bite my tongue and be patient.  it really was a miracle that i am in the 140s as my food habits weren't perfect the last week.  i will try my best to improve them this week. and i think that's basically it, every week i will get better.  i just have to remind myself this.  


i still haven't made the gym a habit so that is something that i have to work on as well.  and i still need to learn how to cook. okay here are some short-term goals to focus on: 


1. daily journalling
2. preparing lunch for work 
3. eating under 1200 calories a day
4. exercising 5 times a week at the gym, 2 days at home
5. getting more knowledgeable about food


i hope i keep seeing a consistent loss every week, till my birthday and till i reach my UGW of 120 lbs.  i have much hope and fear.  hopefully hope will prevail. 




to the stars, 


uma 

evil of snacking

"eat better, feel better"

snacking is surely the nemesis of any good diet intentions. i went out with my family today to get tickets to a possibly long and first vacation of my life.  i think i was thinking about it and stressing on weighing out the pros and cons that i was mindlessly snacking.  we went to a samosa store and bought a bunch of snacks and i kept munching and then i realized i ate enough for a whole lunch and didn't bother having a proper lunch. 


then in the evening i went to my cousin's 12th bday - there wre obviously super young kids there and there was too much energy.  i was munching and talking that i mindlessly ate over 2000 calories today. i am so scared to see what the scale will say on Monday.  all i know is that this week was not impressive, i totally sucked. i have to "have to" go to the gym tomorrow. and i have to curb my snacking, it's gonna be super hard knowing that there are Klondike cones in my freezer, my parents and their sweet tooth! i will forego snacking, except for fruits and vegetables till i get my eating habits under control and till i get to 120 lbs. 


back to the basics. 




to the stars, 


uma